2014-08-08

コントロールするということ

最近ふと感じること.

それは, どうしようもないと思っていたことさえも,意外とコントロールできるんだということ.

私自身,振り返れば今まで数多くのことを自分以外のもののせいにしてきた.たとえば,周りの人,そこに置かれた状況,社会情勢,気候,病気・・・などなど,理由に挙げてきたものなど,数え上げればきりがない.

どれもこれも,仕方がない・・・といってしまえば,確かに仕方がないものばかり.ただ,誰よりも先に自分でその原因に気づいて,その理由が分っていたのなら,防げたり変えたり改善したりできることが沢山あったはず.

何かが起こるとわかっていながら,何もしなかった自分は,ただただ,自分自身をコントロールする努力と工夫をしなかったに過ぎないのだと.そう考えると,沢山のことを,自分の手で変えるようにコントロールすることができるのではないかと思った.

たとえば,病気や薬の副作用が原因で,体重をコントロールしにくかったとき,病気のせいだとか副作用で・・・と言い訳するのは簡単にである.ただ,それが分っていたのなら,運動するように心がけたり食べるものや時間に気をつけたりと,増えない工夫はできたはずである.
もう1つ例を挙げれば,就職活動.不景気のときならなおのこと,社会の経済状況を理由に,就職できないと説明するのは簡単かもしれない.でも,それでは,自分にとって全くメリットがないし,前にも進んでいけない.気分としては,どこかの落とし穴にすっぽりとはまって身動きができない感じ.確かに,この社会事情という外枠は,自分では変えられない.けれど,そこにいる自分自身は変えられるはず.今自分がどうすればいいのか,今の自分には何ができるのかを考えたら,物事が動き出すような気がする. 止まっていた振り子が,動き出すように・・・・.周りに流されていた自分を,自分のコントロール下におくことで,動きやすくなるし,悩みが減るのではないか.

社会で生活することで,多くの人が当たり前だと思っている概念にとらわれ,それが当たり前だと自分自身も思い込み,挑戦さえしなかったことも多々あった.これでは,やはり,その場所からいつまでたっても抜けられない.

自分をコントロールすること.
それは,今の自分が置かれている状況をしっかり把握したうえで,今自分にできることは何かを考えること.そして,実行していくこと.言い訳無用.

そういう意味で,自分以外の何かを言い訳にしてきた自分は,まだまだ自分に甘かった.
自分が置かれている状況が最悪であろうと,何か原因があったとしても,それでも.その状況下で自分がもっと工夫したり変えたり新しく試したりできることがあるのではないかと考えることができたはず.そして実行できたはず.必ず自分自身にも原因がある.そう思える謙虚な心は,自分を能動的に動かす原動力にもなるということにもつながるのかも.

もっと積極的に自分をコントロールしていこう.

2014-04-02

Hanami at night

Cherry blossoms are blooming fully right now! It's so beautiful!! Not only the day time but also the night time is good for Hanami.

2014-03-31

The Last Day of my PhD Student Year

Today is the last day for my PhD Student years.
I have been a PhD student for eight years while I was working at companies from2007. Sometimes research was endless and it seemed like never finish. I felt I couldn't finish PhD in the middle but I did!!

I learned many things during these years. I was learning at both school and company at the same time. Some people told me I was wasting my time but I have never though like that way because I learned that everything what I am doing right now will connect to my future when I was undergraduate. However, I was not sure I can do whatever I want to do in my life because I failed to pass examinations for Medical schools. In addition, I cannot give up anything without reasons that I can accept from my heart.

These combination brought me to do my research at PhD course. It was tough for early PhD years but I met many people later who helped me and encouraged me a lot. And then, fortunately, I finished PhD with many people's helps. I am really thankful to all of you.

I want to take it easy for a little while to move on to the next.

2014-03-20

Do my best and be at my best

I was on the way from gym and I suddenly realized that "to do my best" and "to be at my best" is different. I tried to do my best all the time but I didn't care to be at my best. This means that even if I try to do my best, it is not my best because I am not at the best condition. When I want to do my best, to be at my best is needed. From now, I am trying to be at my best before to do my best.


ジムからの帰り道,ふと気付いた.“ベストを尽くす”と“ベストで臨む”ことは全く異なるのだと.常にベストを尽くそうとしてきたけれど,ベストな状態で臨もうとはしていなかった.ということは,たとえ私はベストを尽くそうとしても,私自身がベストな状態でないのだから,そのときのベストは,私のベストではないということに.ベストを尽くすためには,ベストな状態であることが必要である.これからは,ベストを尽くす前に,ベストで臨むように心掛けよう.

2014-03-11

震災から3年 ~今思うこと~

震災から3年.

改めて思う.3年とは長いようであっという間の3年だと.

3年前のこの日,私はアメリカで仕事をしていた.
早朝の会社で実験データの確認をしようとしていたら,通りかかった仲間に,
”日本が大変なことになっている.ニュース見た?”
と聞かれあわててチェック.三陸沖で大きな地震.津波で壊滅的の文字が並ぶ.
ふと,祖母を思い出す.3月10日は私の大好きだった祖母の誕生日.私が日本を出発して間もなく,肺がんで亡くなった祖母.科学を学ぶ私は,科学的に証明されないものの多くを信じないけれど,この時ばかりは,思った.祖母が,守ってくれたのかも・・・と.

地震の後.母に連絡するけど,もちろん,連絡はとれず.
うちの実家は,内陸なので,津波の心配はないけれど,結構揺れているとの情報.
地震に慣れっこな実家だけれど,それでも大きな地震が立て続けに起こっているんだから,無事は確認しておかないと....

ニュースでは,宮城・福島の津波の映像が繰り返し流れるだけで,実家岩手の情報なんて皆無.
でも,冷静にニュースを見る自分.まるで別の世界で起こっていることのようで,実感がわかない.

数日後,母から連絡があり,うちの母らしく”地震なんて来るときには来るのよ.ここは大丈夫よ”との言葉.でも,余震がかなりあり,家の中は結構すごいことになっていたらしい.しばらく片づけないのと言いきっていた母を思い出す.本当に強い人だと感じた.

帰国後,東京にいた友人から,会社に寝泊まりしたこと,帰宅するのも一苦労だったこと,コンビニには何もものがなくなってしまってすごい不安だったことを聞いた.液状化で浦安付近の会社の知り合いも,大変な1ヶ月を送っていたらしい.


おおくの人に会い,当時の話を沢山聞いたし写真も見せてもらった.もちろん,ニュースでも沢山の情報を見た.でも,当時の私も今の私も,やっぱり全く実感がわかない.

ただ,”風の電話”の記事を読んだとき,そこに住む人たちの悲しさが伝わってきた.そして,研究室の後輩の実家が,津波で流された話を聞き.言葉が出てこなかった.ちょうどその後輩は,少し前に母を急に亡くしており,思い出が詰まった家だったのだろうと思うと,涙があふれた.会いたい人に会えなくなってしまった人が,そこには沢山いるのだと改めて実感した.

人ごとのように入ってくる震災の情報.
どんなに話を聞いても,やはり,それを見て体験した人たちの気持ちを理解することは難しいと思う.ただ,3年たった今,少しずつ,身にしみるように分かってきたことがある.それは,どんなに長い時間が経とうとも,震災にあった人たちの悲しみは心のどこかに残っており,消えることはないのだと.そして,なくなったものは戻ってこないし,失った時間も取り戻せないのだと.
でも,前を向いて進んでいくことはできるからこそ,当時つらい思いをした人たちが,心に秘めるそれぞれの想いを胸に,前を向いて歩き始めているのだと思った.

確かに,物理的な”復興”のみならず精神的な”復興”を含めた大きな意味での”復興”に時間はかかるだろう.何せ,なくしたものが大きすぎる.ただ,そこに強さも感じる. 前向きに生きていく強さ.

先日,中学時代の担任の先生が,教育を通して復興事業に関わっていることを知った.復興とは,悲しい現実と向き合わなければならないけれど,ここでちゃんと向き合えたかどうかは,その後の将来にも大きく影響してくるような気がした.だからこそ,その先生はい活動をしているなと心から思うと共に,まだ自分の目で見たことがない震災後の沿岸部を,自分の目で見てみたいと強く思った.

cf
風の電話 http://www.asahi.com/special/10005/TKY201105120083.html

2014-03-08

My finding - the relationship between the number of products and populations -

When I was at supermarket in Shanghai, I found many foods from Japan and they had more and more tastes!! We can find two or three tastes for one snack in Japan but more than five in China.

I was wondering why China has that much variety of tastes and I noticed because of the large population. 

Japan doesn't have much population so companies cannot make many tastes because companies are not able to sale as much as they want while it costs so much. However, China has large population so they can sale large number of products with many tastes. 

I cannot count people to make sure China has large populations but I feel it at supermarket with the many kind of products they sale at there. 

I thought this is one of good aspect of the large number of population!! 
The larger populations, the larger variety of foods!!!

2014-02-26

学び→決意→実行→学び...

成長を続けるには,学び→決意→実行→学び...を繰り返していくことが必要であるという一節が先日読んでいた本に書かれてあった.なんとも,当たり前で,昔から知っていることのように思えた.けれど,改めて,自分の人生を振り返り,今までの自分がどうしてきたかを振り返ると,”実行する”ということをどれだけおろそかにしてきたかに気づかされた.様々な正当化するための理由をつけ,“実行”しなかったことがどれだけ沢山あることか!

改めて気づく.“実行する”事は,誰でもない,自分自身との戦いである.

決意するだけで,実行しなければ何も変わらない.
実行しても反省し,次の学びにつなげなければ,成長はない.

自分が決意することは,緊急ではないけれど自分にとっては重要なことであり,自分が率先して行わない限りは実行できないことばかりである.そして,誰かに変わってもらうことができず,自分自身で行わなければいけないことである.

今までのように,緊急な出来事に囲まれ,それらに対処することを理由に,“実行”できなかったことを正当化することは,さぞかし簡単なことだろう.でも,このことに気づいた今,私自身のために,“実行する”ことができるように,限られた時間の使い方を考え直し,生活に“実行”することを組み込んでいく必要があると思った.

上向きのスパイラルをつくり, 成長していくために,今まで以上に意識して,“学び→決意→実行”を生活に組み込んでいくようにしよう!

2014-01-29

Order of Priority

Order of Priority.

The book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is talking about "Order of Priority". I thought I knew what is "Order of Priority" but I noticed I didn't fully understand what it was and I just understood the word literally.

What is the Order of Priority in my life?

I was spending my time for dealing with emergencies happened day by day.
I was just spending my time to finish something before a dead line, that not connect to the future.

I need to think more about what isn't priority. This will change my life.

2014-01-14

New Year Resolutions

My New Year Resolutions

1. Loss in weight
2. Run 300 km in this year
3. Meet more people and friends
4. Read more papers and books
5. Improve my English

#1
I am gaining weight because of Grave's disease. I stop hard exercises because my doctor said so. However, after the values of a couple hormones become normal, I can start! What I can do know is not to gain more.

#2
Last year, I tried 200 km but I couldn't reach because of my health issues. Especially during last summer, I couldn't run at all. This year, it's getting better so I am able to star running slowly.

#3
It was not good way but I was just concentrated on my research and my life. I sometimes rejected to see people because I wanted to do something more for me, like my experiments and works. However, I published my second paper and it is good time to have a break a little while and to see people, especially my best friends. I guess my friends know very well about me and they don't get angry even I didn't see them because they knew what I want to do and the day will come soon to see them. This is the time to see people!!! I am going anywhere to see you, guys!! Please let me know when you have a time. Let's meet and talk!!

#4
I have never counted the number of books and papers read in a year. So I cannot make exact number for my aim. However, I can start counting what I read during this year. 

#5
Many people know my English grade was so bad especially when I was a high school student. I had a wonderful time at San Diego for one year during my high school year and it helped me so much because become a little more like English classes in Japan. Before that, I didn't like English classes because I didn't understand why I have to study English in the way i learned and it was not fun even I wanted to communicate with people in the world with English and I love speaking English! I felt the English study in Japanese high school was just for passing examinations to get into a good university. Now, I love study English because It's not for a grade or examinations but for myself. My aims for English are more than 900 in TOEIC and 1400 in Lexile measure!

2014-01-03

Happy New Year, 2014!!!



Happy New Year to Everyone!
I hope every one of you have a wonderful year 2014!!

I didn't write much last year. I can add a reason because I was busy but it not the reason because I could make a time to write if I wanted and I needed. Actually I didn't feel like to write but I want now.

Actually I was very busy for a whole year 2013.
I attended two international conferences at Boston and Kobe (Japan) and one domestic one. I also published two academic papers last year. For the second paper, we just got the acceptance on 27th December! I was so happy and excited to have this notification because I met a requirement for my graduate with this acceptance. I just need to pass the PhD defense in January 2014 for my graduation.



There is a little bit long story behind the internship and my PhD years.
I have been waiting the time comes for eight years. Eight years were long and some people said I was wasting my time. I absented the school two years due to a diagnosis of adjustment disorder, this means I was working too much. After the absence, I came back to the school but I couldn't do anything because of many reasons and I was thinking to quit the school because I didn't have any data to publish. It was right before joining Advanced multi-career training program for PhD students and postdoctoral scholars. I had no idea what I needed to do next so I applied the program and I passed. I did the internship at RAC for three months and I met small-angle X-ray scattering (SAXS) and I learned how to do it. I also had a chance to do my research with SAXS equipment after the internship and I spent 4 months to do SAXS measurement with my research sample. This meeting at RAC and experiences with SAXS completely changed my life!!! They helped my experiment and they gave me great advice and many encouragements when I needed. After I came back from this internship and research at RAC, I started writing a paper with SAXS data using my target proteins. It took a year to hand in a first journal and took one more years to have an acceptance. I want to thank many people who lead me to this success.

Thank you, Mark, a professor at my university. He found this internship, set up and supported all the time. He was the first parson who gave me a hope.
Thank you, Sasaki-san (RAC). If he didn't say YES for the internship, I have never graduate PhD. He gave me big chances and supported my research. He encouraged me all the time and never said no for negotiations with Mark!! He taught me about SAXS equipments. I also had great time with him at Texas.
Thank you, Life Science members, Pierre, Michael, Jim and Joe. Pierre helped the crystallization of my protein and carried out X-ray radiation experiment. Michael also gave me great advises about the crystallization. Jim and Joe also supported this internship and my experiments.
Thank you, Yamano-san and Matsumoto-san (RC). They gave me helpful advices and helped my experiments in Japan after I came back from RAC. 
Special thanks to Angela (RAC), who taught me scientific aspects about SAXS. I didn't know anything about SAXS when I went there first time but she taught me everything about SAXS. She also gave me good advices and encouraged all the time to get data for an academic paper. She also supported to write the paper. Without her help, I couldn't finish my PhD and graduate.

I also really appreciate my colleagues, teachers and friends who helping and supporting me.

I am sorry for waiting very long time to say "thank you" to everyone. I was waiting on purpose because I thought to publish a paper with SAXS data can be one of the expressions to say thank you!!

Again, thank you so much for your support for the last year! I hope you had a wonderful year 2013 and 2014 will be a great year ahead for you!!